Dear Birth Mother

I have been AWOL for nearly two weeks...oops. I certainly didn't intend for that, but other matters became more pressing. A lot has been happening around here, and a certain writing assignment I've been given in this adoption process was way past due. This item needed to be priority over any other writing I did, and this is how long it took for me to complete. In actuality, I completed it about a dozen times, but only once to my satisfaction. Alas, it is done, I can talk about it, and I can move on to other things. 

The item I had to write was a "Dear Birth Mother" letter. This is a piece of a families puzzle that a birth mom receives when trying to choose the perfect couple to parent her child. It usually tells about the family, how much they look forward to parenting, and what they have to offer all packaged into a one to two page personal note. 

Needless to say it is the hardest writing assignment a person can receive. I would say right up there with writing a eulogy for a person dear to you. (Not that I have experienced that, but I could imagine.) What do you say to the person who changes your life forever, but will not be a permanent physical fixture in your daily living?

If I had the answer, this would not have taken me months to complete. When I started to try to write this in September I sat at my computer and stared at a blank screen. Then I cried. Good first attempt. But the following dozen attempts over the next few months followed the exact same pattern. Sit down, open file, cry, go get tissue (eventually I just brought it with me), compose myself, decide to try again tomorrow. Over those months, I wrote about two sentences that made it to the final draft. 

Recently, I spent extra time in scripture and an amazing thing happened. The words that needed to be said in this letter just started to flow. With only a couple tears this time, I sat down to write, and it came. I believe those words came straight from God and that they will strike the heart of the mom who will choose us. They are written only for her. 

Now, the approach I took for writing this letter may be different than most. First, my letter was from me only, not from Mike. Most couples write together. I don't want to discount Mike's input or desire to become a dad, but the letter is written to a mom. Sorry men, you just don't fully get our world. I should also say that Mike doesn't mind. He gets plenty of coverage in our profile.

Second, this letter is very personal so I'm treating it as such. As much as I would love to share it on the blog and have it passed around the internet for many moms to see, I will not. If a mom is interested then I will make sure she receives it, but it is special and private. I guess it could have the label, "serious applicants need only apply."   

Last, I wrote what was true in my heart and what I believed she needed to know. I don't believe a mom really cares about how many cars you have or how big your house is. Though, those factors might show your ability to provide for a child, it is not love. I don't think a mom wants to hear about your struggle to conceive, but rather about the depth of your desire to parent in a loving matter. I think she wants to know that you will tell her child about her, that her child will be taught to love her, that her child will not think he or she was abandoned but loved very deeply. I spoke to the fears a mom faces and how those fears would be cast out. It's a real and raw message of a beautiful future for her and her child, and I meant every word that was written. I spoke of love and truth.

When I finally was able to hand the words over to God, when I allowed him to lead, it was so easy. The letter is written. It is waiting and ready to be read. It was the last item that needed completing before we could be presented to moms. Now the only task left is one of perseverance and patience.

We pray.